Attack of the Postal Service.

…and no.  Not the super cool, Ben Gibbard kind.  The real, blue short wearing, letter toting, postal service.

My trials and tribulations started probably 2 weeks ago when I started thinking about mailing the invitations.  (My goal date for dumping them in the mailbox is September 1st.)  Trying to be ever prepared, I brought a sample assembled invitation to the Post office so I would know exactly how much postage is required for each one.

Helpful man:  Everything in here?

Me:  Yep…its ready to go.

Helpful man:   Alright, that 1.4 ounces.  This means that you have to get the 59 cent stamps….which we are currently out of….seems like EVERYBODY just wants to get married….don’t know why….(-shifty eyes-)

Me:  Um…Ok – when do you expect those in?  (-thinks to self…”and Thanks so much for your positivity!!”)

Helpful man:  Sometime next week  Just stop by anytime and we should have them.

So, I bought the ‘RSVP’ stamps and made a mental note to stop by on my way to work sometime the next week to pick up the next installment of postage.  I stop by the following week to hear, “No ma’am.  We sure do not have those stamps.  Try back in a few days…”  First of all being called “Ma’am” was just too much for me (OLD!!!), but then…NO 59 cent stamps again.   Humph.  So, I left empty handed yet again.

The stamp saga boiled over yesterday.  I went to the post office again on my way to work….

Lady: Nope, we are out of all of those stamps.

Me:  (-visibly frustrated-)  Well, everyone keeps telling me just to ’stop back by’, and you never have them.  What would you recommend me do?

Lady: Well, let me call the next closet store and see if they have any…(hurries off)

Me:  (-about to say, ‘No thank you…’)…..Ummm……….thanks.

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15 minutes pass

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Me: (-to the next post office worker currently without customer-) Excuse me sir.  The lady that was here…do you know if she is coming back?

Rude worker:  (indignantly) Did she call you to the counter??

Me:  Yes, and she said she was going to get something, but has been gone a very long time…I was just wondering if you could…..

Rude Worker:  Well if she said she’s getting something, she’ll be back.  (-huffily rolls eyes-)  NEXT!!!!

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10 minutes pass — I don’t want to be rude by leaving, but seriously, did she forget about me????

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Lady:  (emerging from back room)….WELLL!  No one except the office on Windy Hill has them.  She is holding the right number for you.  Just ask for ‘Rainy Day’ and they’ll know what to do.

Me:  Rainy day??  (all the while thinking…’Is this a name or a code word??’  I imagine myself entering the post office, cloak-n-dagger style…slinking across the lobby…looking over my shoulder…approaching the man at the counter…”I’m here for……….(whispers) rainy day.  I’m expecting a package.”  HAHAHAH)

Lady:  Yep.  Rainy day.  Windy Hill.  The one in Marietta, not Smyrna.

Me:  Thank you very much.

So, while at work, I find where the Marietta store is located, check the hours, chart a course, and head out after work.  It took me 45 minutes just to get there…but I know that the end is in sight.  The office is not in the best part of town.  It has bars on the windows and doors and is located behind a pawn shop.  I walk in obviously standing out…

Girl: Um…can I help you?

Me: Yes.  I am here to pick up stamps.   (- I don’t want to blow my cover yet by dropping the ‘Rainy Day’ on them-)

Girl: We ran out of stamps yesterday…

I told the poor girl my plight to find 59 cent stamps, I mentioned Rainy Day and was met with blank stares, I asked if this was in fact the store in Marietta and not Smyrna which they confirmed that it was…and as I was about to leave dejected…..she said…

Girl: Why don’t you just buy them online??

As I drove home, I thought about her parting words.  It’s not that I hadn’t considered that…I just never imagine that dealing directly with humans would be so gosh darn difficult….and lame as it sounds, I didn’t want to pay postage on my postage.   I fumed on my additional 45 minute drive home and resolved to call a few placed the next day then if nothing worked, just order them online.

So this morning, I called my local post office…to be met by a busy number.  After 10 minutes of trying, I gave up and went online.    (…you think it ends there…but oh no.)

To order things online from USPS.com, one must have an account.  No biggie.   User name.  Password.   Credit card.  Home free………..but you would think that the USPS was really a secret organization with all the login requirements…please see below.

All of my normal user names were taken.  I went thru 4 iterations (having to re-type everything with each try) before coming up with one that worked.  (Joe – ask me what I did…you’ll smile) The password required “Minimum 8 characters, at least 1 uppercase, 1 lowercase, and 1 number”.  REALLY!?!  So, I made up one that I’ll never remember, and then, had to do the “secret question”.  This process took me much longer than I would have ever wanted…OH! and postage was only $1.  Note to self—would have been SOOOOOooooo worth it.

……so in 3 – 5 days, I will get my stamps.  My beautiful 59 cent wedding stamps.   When you get the invitation in the mail, please take a moment of silence to appreciate the outer beauty in remembrance of my 2 week battle before opening the envelope.  Thank you.

…I just hope the rest of the “simple tasks” on my list for the wedding are not this complex.